Still Searching

I walked and walked this morning--walked until my bones literally hurt with the cold. I refused to take any pain killers, I do not deserve to. In a moment where there was a burst of delusional hope, I ate breakfast. I suppose that I will now need to force myself to take my other medication because it wouldn't be fair to my son if I went off my meds and started acting like the irritable twat that I was before I started taking Lithium eight years ago, or if I ended up stroking out because I went off my blood pressure meds and left him with a vegetable to take care of.

It is amazing how quickly an animal can become completely lost. My two greatest worries are first that Tori was gotten by a fox. I have looked for remains everywhere and found nothing. As my son says, even if she was hurt that way, he wishes we knew so we could have closure.

Cats wander around there all the time so I don't have much hope that  she was taken to the humane society, though I check the page daily. She may have gotten into someplace warm like someone's garage in one of the houses nearby and become trapped there. My other fear is that someone saw her and thought that she was beautiful and decided to keep her. In that case life might not be so bad for her but it is torture for us not knowing.

Every day when I wake up I wish I could turn back the clock and stop this hell. It is like a knife through my heart. I hate that I allowed such a fate to happen to one of my dear animal friends.