L is for Little Lafayette
Image made for me by Kami Diox
It has been three weeks to the day since I made the very difficult decision to allow my best friend's suffering to end and send him over the Rainbow Bridge.
I haven't cried very much--shockingly little, in fact. A lot of the time I feel as if I dreamed Lafayette up. He was a very unusual cat. Personality-wise, he acted like a big kitten. Big is kind of a stretch. At his hardiest, he only weighed nine pounds. He was much smaller than my other male cats.
Lafayette had the softest fur. It felt like down. He was a black smoke cat, with fur that was white at the roots and black at the ends.
Lafayette loved me unconditionally. He was always so happy to see me when I came home. I did not think it was possible for anything to ever feel such love for a person as flawed as I am.
I couldn't have saved him. His kidneys weren't working any more. He was much sicker than I thought when I made the appointment to take him to the vet. The decision my son and I made on Lafayette's behalf cut his suffering short. He would have died regardless.
I believe that the soul survives the death of the body. I honestly don't care what anyone else thinks about this. If you try to argue with me, I will not engage you. I believe it. I believe that this little being who meant so much to me still exists in some form.
I wish with all my heart that I could pet his soft smoke-colored coat one more time and tell him just how much joy he brought me.
I wish I didn't have to know the sorrow of letting him go so soon.
~Cie~
Lafayette
July 17 2009 - July 17 2015
Comments
To me, this place is kind of a hovel. I don't have a working furnace and I have to shower at the rec center. I can't afford to get things repaired despite working full time and making well over minimum wage. But he never cared about that. To him this place was a palace.
I don't put my links in the Linky at Alpha-be Thursday because even though I really like Jenny very well, the blogging team that I'm a part of has sometimes posted creative writing links that we've been inspired to write, and we've gotten nasty responses from other Alpha-Be Thursday participants. I certainly didn't want to risk that with something so personal to me.
Jenny is super nice and I've enjoyed her prompts for the past several years. I agree that initially I felt very comfortable participating in the blog hop. I'm a bit of a different breed. I live with mental illness and my writing helps me keep going. I have bipolar disorder (type 2), borderline personality disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. I don't have the sort of mental illness that comes with delusions. I'm full well aware of how much things suck, which is why sometimes alternate reality is preferable!
I think a lot of former bloggers have gone over to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and that sort of thing. I do have a Facebook account but don't use it that much. The Twitter is only used for sharing links. I refuse to get on Instagram--enough is enough!
I live in the suburbs of Boulder. I work as a pediatric home health nurse on the night shift. This is a huge switch for me. I had worked with the geriatric population in long term care facilities for all but 5 years since 1988. Now I'm taking care of an infant who requires G tube feedings until her digestive tract issues resolve. I think it was a good switch. My back has developed a lot of problems over the years, and working with people with dementia has become a little too personal for me. My father had vascular dementia during the last several years of his life. My aunt has either Alzheimer's or Lewy Body, and there is a fellow who meant a great deal to me who developed early onset dementia and now can't remember anyone he knew or anything he did. It's heartbreaking, and it was becoming difficult being reminded of it every day.
I miss the old blogging communities too. I'll put your blog on my list of folks to visit!
C